an update for you

So I realise I haven't talked about the practical stuff for a while. It might be useful for some of you, or just good form to let you know how everything is going.

We have got a date booked in to taste cake. I'll be putting all the suppliers up here after the wedding (gotta keep up that anonymity) but suffice to say I am damned excited about this and have to choose flavours today. We’re thinking carrot cake, some sort of apple cake and the third layer either fruit or a wildcard.

I have got some dates in to go and try on wedding dresses, which I need to do so I know what to tell Mooshki when I see them in the summer. One day is in London, and with the ma and ma in law, and the second is in my hometown with my ma and sister in law. I will emerge the other side with a fully formed idea of what the hell I’m going to wear and hopefully without a stress-related migrane.

Invitations are underway. We are going to Hobbycraft to buy card for invitations and then all we have to do is design the RSVP card and info sheet, print the invitations, glue the shit out of them, write them all, put them all in envelopes, put stamps on the RSVP cards, write the envelopes (getting all the addresses first, of course). And then set up a spreadsheet so we can see who replied. No sweat.

These have been a bigger ballache than they should have been in all honesty, because like all good DIY brides, I looked to Martha and bought a paper punch. Then I got the printers to print samples. But they only have 100gsm paper or 300gsm card. Martha’s wonderpunch can only cope with about 210gsm. But the reply postcard will need to be 300gsm or it won’t survive the post. So I need matching card in both weights, plus some nice transparent vellum for the info sheet to give to the printers. They can’t order it themselves because the minimum trade order is £90. I don’t need that much card.

So when I say ‘invitations are underway’ – I mean purely in my head or a theoretical sense.

Oh, and I bought envelopes, so in fact, some small part of the invitations now actually exists.

Operation jam and chutney is also well underway. This is where my mum and mum in law and maybe also me if necessary (but these women are jam and chutney MACHINES so this may not be necessary) make a pot of jam or chutney for every adult present. We tie their names onto them and they are sort of favours too. This is 85-90 jars, but I think my mum is already well past 20 (piccalilli, marmalade and whiskey marmalade) and J’s mum normally has about 150 jars of various allotment specials in her pantry. I’m sure this is an indie wedding cliché now but you may guess that I couldn’t give a toss. I love chutney and jam and why not work with your strengths? Or in my case, the maternal strengths.

My mum is also going massive on the bunting. She's made about 150 flags so far and is ordering industrial rolls of tape from eBay to string it along.

The venue is booked, the hair and makeup person is booked, the band is booked and the florist is booked. The venue does the food, so that’s all good. I’ve got the corkage costs secured and a wine merchant who will deliver. The venue and food are two thirds paid for and a wedding website with info is about 80 per cent done.

The honeymoon is probably about half booked (still missing many crucial details, like how we get there and some nights where we have no roof over our head. This weekend should sort them.) The register office is booked (after much begging). And as you all know, we have sorted out the photographer.

Oh, and even though I know nothing about it, I am having a hen do in a couple of months’ time. I won’t know anything about it either, until the time I turn up.

What does that leave?

Rings
Actual dress and little white dress for register office
Going to the town hall to declare our intention to marry
Shoes
Suit for man/maybe also best man
Honeymoon account
Write ceremony and vows
Dress shopping with best ladies
Seating plan
Erm...
Erm...
Erm...

I must have missed stuff. What have I forgotten?