what i lose by not having bridesmaids

As soon as I knew I was getting married, I decided I wouldn't have bridesmaids. Partly this is because I don't love the idea. I've been a bridesmaid twice and I think my mind was made up then.

But also partly it's because I don't know who I would pick. I don't have any sisters or close cousins. I don't have any natural choices among my friends - no one I'd consider close enough.

But I do have a large, looser group of friends, many of whom have been invited to be 'best ladies' - which means they can wear what they like, that they may be asked to help with some things, and sport a flower somewhere on their person on the day.

This brings its own set of problems: if it's just a loose grouping, then where do you draw the line? How close do friends have to be to wear a flower? And who do you exclude? This is a dilemma indeed. Because I really can't just have everyone. And there are some people I don't feel close enough to, but who may expect to be included.

Today, I've been musing on what I'm missing out on by not having a chief 'maid'. Someone who is OBLIGED to listen to my moanings (heh) and help me through this. Someone I can call just because I am floundering. Someone who gets as excited as I do about the whole thing. Someone to come dress shoppping with (those accompanying me will be mum and mum-in-law - is this an insane decision?). Someone to feed me Gaviscon and croissants on the morning itself.

I'm lucky to have a group of lovely ladies. But after all that, I am now considering formalising or upgrading them to 'maids'. Mostly because otherwise I run the risk of having 15-25 best ladies, some of whom I haven't seen in yonks, but who must be included because we half the other girls from the same group of friends are on the list.

lovely stuff #1

Since the moment I got engaged and started reading wedding blogs, I've been saving all the links to stuff I like by sending myself little emails. And I thought it would be nice, and make a lot of sense, if I was to put them up on here.

So here's today's: a lovely post from Savoir Weddings with some pictures of bridesmaids. The first one is my fave - this one:














As you may recall from this post the bridesmaid thing is not really me. But this, I like a great deal. My friends (the 'non bridesmaids') can wear whatever they like and have a little bunch of flowers or some blooms in their hair and it will look lovely.

And the flowers too: brilliant. I want colourful, mismatched, bright and cheery just like this - I wasn't sure it would work before. I'm going to have to print this photo out and stick it somewhere.

bridesmaids

As I don't know really know what else to call them for now, it will have to be bridesmaids, though I'm not sure if that's what I want.

I've been a bridemaid twice before. Both times there were full skirts and puff sleeves. The first time, i was a little kid and this was fine and cute. The second I was an awkward teen and a vision in burnt pink, teamed with a pair of white court shoes.

I realise that things are different now. But when we got engaged, I thought I definitely didn't want bridesmaids.

But on reflection, I realised I do want my friends around me, possibly as sort of 'bridesmaids-lite'. I can't afford to buy them dresses. But doing it this way brings in a whole new seet of problems.

If they are just 'team spesh' as one friend termed it, then deciding who you do and don't want as part of it becomes harder. It's not a formal thing, therefore why can't you just give out more corsages/hair flowers and bring them all into the team? But needless to say, I don't want 10 ladies fussing around me and I can see this happening.

Maybe I'm stuck with 'bridesmaids'.