[Booking part of the honeymoon]
Woman on phone: What's your surname for the tickets?
Me: It's, uhh.... well, we'll be, um, married then. So do I give you his name?
Result: Tickets booked under J's name and initial. Even though it will then be MY name too. I could have given her my married name. I didn't. I didn't feel I could own it yet.
I really need to start thinking of it as MY name too. First step: develop a new signature. This is going to be strange...
Showing posts with label changing my name. Show all posts
Showing posts with label changing my name. Show all posts
Monday, 23 May 2011
Monday, 7 February 2011
a post about changing my name - or not
It's hard to say when this got so complicated. I think it's just one of the many things that I hadn't considered until we got engaged. I'd always maybe thoought that I'd just keep my name, and that would be fine.
Except there are several reasons why it won't be fine.
J would love it if I took his name. His family would too.
My mum even wants me to change my name.
And I want to be of one name, when we are a family. J won't change his name - not to mine, or not to a third option.
But if I change my name, what will people think of me?
At work, people assume I won't change and that I would be betraying something essential to myself (office contains many feminists (myself included), divorcees/children of divorcees) and their experiences have shaped their opinions, which are obviously all very good points.
We visited Iceland last year, and I learned about their naming system, whereby the children take their father's first name as part of their surname. So David's son James would be James Davidsson.
David's son Jane would be Jane Davidsdottir. In some progressive families, some children take their mum's name as part of their first name. But it's not standard.
When women become wives in Iceland, they don't change their name. But their family lineage most often passes down without any part of their name in it. This is how they trace their family back to the founding Vikings and they are very proud indeed of how they can do this.
I won't pass on my name to any children. We're a patrilineal society in Britain, and that's just how it works. They will take J's surname. That's how we keep records and trace ancestry.
And in a way, what would my family be, without my father's name? I currently have a man's name - my father's - and his father's, and his father's, until the time we hopped off a boat and landed in this country (I have a very old, very unique surname. But so does J.)
In the balance of things, I may take his name. One of us has to give if we want to be a family. But you know what worries me most?
The thought that people will think I just took his name, without a second's consideration. I am making a conscious decision. I am a feminist. But it won't look like that to many people.
Except there are several reasons why it won't be fine.
J would love it if I took his name. His family would too.
My mum even wants me to change my name.
And I want to be of one name, when we are a family. J won't change his name - not to mine, or not to a third option.
But if I change my name, what will people think of me?
At work, people assume I won't change and that I would be betraying something essential to myself (office contains many feminists (myself included), divorcees/children of divorcees) and their experiences have shaped their opinions, which are obviously all very good points.
We visited Iceland last year, and I learned about their naming system, whereby the children take their father's first name as part of their surname. So David's son James would be James Davidsson.
David's son Jane would be Jane Davidsdottir. In some progressive families, some children take their mum's name as part of their first name. But it's not standard.
When women become wives in Iceland, they don't change their name. But their family lineage most often passes down without any part of their name in it. This is how they trace their family back to the founding Vikings and they are very proud indeed of how they can do this.
I won't pass on my name to any children. We're a patrilineal society in Britain, and that's just how it works. They will take J's surname. That's how we keep records and trace ancestry.
And in a way, what would my family be, without my father's name? I currently have a man's name - my father's - and his father's, and his father's, until the time we hopped off a boat and landed in this country (I have a very old, very unique surname. But so does J.)
In the balance of things, I may take his name. One of us has to give if we want to be a family. But you know what worries me most?
The thought that people will think I just took his name, without a second's consideration. I am making a conscious decision. I am a feminist. But it won't look like that to many people.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Posts
