the anticipation

In my bag is a CD of images from our wedding. The official wedding photos. I haven't looked at them, immense restraint that not doing so required. We will look at them together tonight.

But today, over lunch, I had a look at a few wedding blogs. Only the non-insane ones, I hasten to add. But I devoured them in the way that I have done so many times. Scrolling, scrolling, inhaling it all. All that effort, reflected in those few pictures.

The details, the banners, the bunting, the dresses. The dancing, the thin-ness, the bridesmaids, the flowers. The getting ready pics. The dress hanging by the window. This is how I digested every wedding I ever looked at on the internet. This is how I got a 'feeling' of their day, and interpreted it in the light of our own. Every one changed the view of our wedding, in a tiny way.

Now tonight, I will look at some more wedding photos. And I know that they will be amazing, because that's our photographer. She is amazing. But the content of the images will be our own, and that bride in that one dress, with her groom and her flowers, will be me. How will I feel? How will I judge it?

cheap and brilliant wedding photographers do exist

I know. I can't quite believe it either. After being dropped by our wedding photographer friend (thank god, I have calmed down a little now) I didn't know what to do. So I asked Twitter and blogged about it.

And a miracle occurred - the power of crowds and the brilliance of total strangers meant that we got not just one recommendation for photographers, but several. All of them great and reasonably priced and genuinely concerned and helpful. It was humbling, and I can't believe our luck.

After much deliberation we made a decision. It was not an easy choice - as I say - all of the people that found us were great. And after making such a personal appeal, the replies I received were in the same vein - so it was really hard to turn down those who so kindly offered their services and help. I felt bad for doing so, even though we could only pick one person.

I have lots of thank yous to make. Firstly, the retweeters and blog readers who helped spread the word. @Mission2Wed @Cloggins, @Convo_pieces @becca_clare, @VSChinaHire, @knotsandkisses - I hope I've got everyone here, but if I haven't, please message me or leave a comment and I will add you in.

And then, to the photographers who responded. Let me just say right now that if you are looking for a good (nay, great) and reasonably-priced wedding photographer then you need to call these people. On my limited dealings with them, I can also say that these people are willing to go the extra mile and offer personal service. In short - they give a damn:

Katie Byram Photography (@katiebyramphoto)

Jameson Kergozou (@kergozou)

Alex Smith at Mytime Photography (@mytimephoto)

Mirrorbox Photography

And special thanks to the super-stylish Marie Man (you may also know her as @Marnova) for answering lots of questions. And the brilliant Hannah Dornford-May for doing the same.

(Really hoping I haven't missed anyone off. I had to write this post twice due to a crash perfectly timed for the exact moment I pressed 'publish'. If I have, please message me to say. I promise it wasn't intentional!)

One of the above is our wedding photographer - but I'm not going to say who just yet. As I may have mentioned - they are all amazing. I would hate for you to just visit the one link... Go and check them out, and tell your friends.

Thank you, internet, for being so bloody amazing. Hopefully normal service, and blog-posting regularity, can now resume!

photographer blues

So I have been posting a little on Twitter about some stress with the photographer. Avid readers may remember that we had booked a friend to be our photographer. He's what you might call a keen and capable amateur, and he'd done a wedding before.

We went out to see him and discussed what we wanted. We said we loved what he did and we coo-ed over his pics. My initial worries about the unreliability of asking a friend melted away. We looked at all sorts of pics and we decided that a sort of 'reportage' feeling, with a few arty ones, was the way to go. He'd done it before. It was theoretically simple. It would be great fun.

We had an informal document which we agreed on with the style, etc, detailed. All that was left was for him to send a contract - we may be friends, but friendships are lost over not being clear - and as we were paying him (not an insubstantial amount for a friend) - we needed a contract, even a little thing.

In the meantime, I sent the occassional link to nice photos. He responded saying they were nice. I knew he wasn't going to emulate everything I sent - I just thought they were nice and some showed examples of shots that were nice and simple. It was all Nice. Not demanding. We'd already discussed what he'd take - and that was cool.

Five months we waited for a contract. I emailed every few weeks to ask and he replied that it was coming, he was just busy with work etc.

Until last Thursday, when I felt that now the wedding was just a few months off, we should have a contract if that was OK - just as a formality, just in case. And he replied that he'd actually been stalling because he wasn't sure he could give us what we wanted. Even though we'd talked about what we wanted. And agreed on it. And that was FIVE months ago.

So we sent an email reassuring him that we loved what he did, just as it was.

His reply?

You're very kind. I'll think about it over the weekend and let you know.

So today - after chasing for a reply - we got one. He's not sure he can do it and says he wants to pull out. It sounds like he could still be convinced if we really tried, but now I don't want to convince him. I don't want to beg him to do it when he doesn't want to, or for the result to be disappointing and for him to say 'well, I did warn you...'

Most of all, we want someone we can rely on - and who wants to do it. We don't have enough money for a full on professional - that is for sure. And though I've had some good recommendations, the wedding is in Somerset and those recommendations have a long way to travel - making their initially realistic and reasonable quotes somewhat stratospheric.

That's not to say I'm not grateful for the recommendations - please keep them coming - but when I say not much money, I mean definitely not four figures, as nice as those photographers might be. Not even approaching four figures. But a not-insignificant sum, plus travel and somewhere to sleep. Maybe enough for a student, or someone just setting up their business. We will of course feed whoever comes and make sure they have a good time along with everyone else. We just can't drop a grand on pics. And now we are left not knowing what to do.

thing i don't understand about weddings #2

I don't think this one is going to go down very well. I think some of you might hate me for saying it.

The current thing that I really can't get my head around in Wedding World is...

The Engagement Shoot

This is something I had never come across before entering WW (see also: gocco, cakes made of cheese (yum), humanist ceremonies) and try as I might, I still don't get it.

I'm not judging anyone who has an engagement photo shoot, but just saying I can't see for the life of me why I would. Please don't take any of the following personally - and if you've had an engagement shoot and loved it I would love to hear from you.

Having an 'e-shoot' shoot seem to be rather an American thing, but something that is making its way over here. As far as I can gather from seeing dozens, if not hundreds of them on blogs, the emphasis is on having some nice, natural photos of you and your other half for some purpose. However - these nice 'natural' shots are starting to look rather clichéd.

If you want to put the pics on invitations, or give them to your parents as a gift - fine. But they will have your wedding pics soon and I'm sure they will take precedence.

The number of shoots that makes it onto blogs is alarming: as if that's the sole purpose of having these photos taken (I'm not saying it is): to look immaculate and model-like for the day, showing the world how perfect your relationship is.

With a few goodexceptions, these shoots all look pretty similar. Pick a setting: urban or rural (a city park will also suffice for rural). Wear a pretty dress or a massive coat to make you look waif-like, and make sure there are shots of you looking lovingly into each others eyes; jumping; holding hands in the grass/against gritty urban backdrop.

Old cameras, or filters that make it look like you're in the 1970s are good. You will also need to pick an object (an apple or a box brownie camera are good) and fondle it between you, as if it symbolises something. Try to pick a sunny day and get a bit of camera glare or overexposure going.

Perhaps I have just seen too many already, but these pics seem to represent everything that makes me uncomfortable about weddings: staged happiness; massive expense; self indulgence; putting on a show. And even though they are meant to be alternative and 'indie'; they are looking increasingly the same.

If you're a modern couple that has been together for any length of time, there will be hundreds of natural photos of you already: digital cameras have made that so and Facebook means that everyone has seen them.

EDIT: I forgot the crucial last step: send them off to be featured on a blog. I think this is the bit that gets my goat the most.

So there are no pics in the post, because I'm not picking on anyone. And I fully expect some people not to like this post at all...