Showing posts with label engagement. Show all posts
Showing posts with label engagement. Show all posts

Monday, 12 July 2010

proposal






I realised, after reading a few other blog posts about engagements, that I've never written here about mine/ours.

The reason it took so long is basically because it contains a rather unique detail that would mean I would be instantly unmasked if anyone I know were ever to stumble on this blog.

So here's a disclaimer. If you read the story below and think you know me in real life, please do not mention it to me. Just read on, chuckle to yourself and don't tell me. I don't mind you reading my blog, but don't let me know.


Insane disclaimer over. Now for the story.

I've been with Mr Bunting for nearly nine years now. When we got engaged, it was during a weekend away for our ninth anniversary.

We'd talked so often about getting married, and he'd never wanted to. There had been a time when I desperately, passionately, wanted to be his Mrs. He was away a lot for work: I wanted to be something legally; his next of kin. I wanted to be official.

But he didn't see the point, and I completely came round to his view. It's ok: we were a modern couple and I a modern woman. We didn't need it. In fact, I started to embrace this mindset a little too eagerly, I think, for when it came, I was in this completely 'other' state of mind.

But to rewind. I had booked a hotel for our anniversary; the first time we'd ever celebrated it with something other than a steak or a takeaway. Two weekends into the future, we'd be going away for a weekend with both sets of parents. Then a week after that, we'd have a Christmas party with all our friends. Once proposed to, I immediately thought he'd seen an opportunity too good to miss, but he maintains this fortuitous set of future plans never entered his head.

He'd had a few hard weeks at work. We'd spent many days talking quietly, having long walks, helping him feel better.

When we went away after this, he was shifty. We walked around the new Ashmolean and I kept feeling his clammy hands, which he blamed on the air conditioning. I didn't twig.

Later on, he wanted to walk along the canal. I said I wanted to go around the shops and look at the Christmas lights. He acquiesced: unusual for a man who hates shops.

Two hours before we were due to get our train, he dragged me to a pub. We sat outside at a creaky table in the corner, raised on an odd sort of decking pedestal. His behaviour got more odd and his eyes misted up as he reached over to his bag, got down on one knee and produced a beautiful wooden box, and inside...

a hula hoop. Salt and vinegar flavour.

He was down on the floor and I was, I think, hyperventilating. Oh yes, very much the disinterested modern woman. I had thought he didn't want to, and I couldnt' quite understand what had just happened. Then I started laughing. It took me about 20 minutes to say yes while I hyperventilated and he cried and told me that it was the past few weeks that had changed his mind.

I didn't believe it until I asked if we could buy a ring the next day. Until then, I thought he meant 'let's get married at some indeterminate point in the future'.

That night, we went back to the hotel and got amazingly drunk together over a lovely dinner that I can barely remember eating. I found out that morning he'd ordered a bottle of champagne to be sent to our room when we got back, and told the hotel of his plans to make sure he wouldn't bottle it.

I told work colleagues on Monday, but just one friend (the only other engaged one) before telling our parents together two weeks later (a lovely secret), and our friends at the party.

And yes, I still have the hula hoop: ring #1.

Tuesday, 29 June 2010

the long engagement

So I just read this post from the lovely Cloggins.

In it, she asks: Is having a long engagement just an indulgence? Could we have done everything in a weekend, or three months?

For my money, the answer is undoubtedly yes. You will get as caught up or not in weddings as you want to be.

There are all sorts of factors that might mean you have a long engagement. We're having one because it means (a.) I can lose weight (I'd been trying for a while so it wasn't a snap decision) (b.) we can save money and (c.) we can get the cheap venue we like. Also, I don't like stress. I had anticipated that it would involve more than it currently seems to, and had wanted to leave enough time.

But really, though
we have over a year to go, once we knew what we wanted, most stuff sorted itself out pretty quickly.

I'm lucky that the venue does the catering but really, if I did nothing else for a year bar buy insurance, a dress and some flowers, we'd be fine.
Getting obsessed over invitations etc is fun if you like that sort of thing. But you can always phone or send an email. That's not to say I'm not getting involved - I intend to fully enjoy this time.

But if we'd had the money and I'd been happy on the weight front then we'd have done it asap.

If you want to let yourself be consumed by it and enjoy it, then you will. If you have a weekend, then you'll book it in a weekend.

I'm a strong believer that with this sort of thing, you only get as stressed out as you want to.




Wednesday, 7 April 2010

thing i don't understand about weddings #2

I don't think this one is going to go down very well. I think some of you might hate me for saying it.

The current thing that I really can't get my head around in Wedding World is...

The Engagement Shoot

This is something I had never come across before entering WW (see also: gocco, cakes made of cheese (yum), humanist ceremonies) and try as I might, I still don't get it.

I'm not judging anyone who has an engagement photo shoot, but just saying I can't see for the life of me why I would. Please don't take any of the following personally - and if you've had an engagement shoot and loved it I would love to hear from you.

Having an 'e-shoot' shoot seem to be rather an American thing, but something that is making its way over here. As far as I can gather from seeing dozens, if not hundreds of them on blogs, the emphasis is on having some nice, natural photos of you and your other half for some purpose. However - these nice 'natural' shots are starting to look rather clichéd.

If you want to put the pics on invitations, or give them to your parents as a gift - fine. But they will have your wedding pics soon and I'm sure they will take precedence.

The number of shoots that makes it onto blogs is alarming: as if that's the sole purpose of having these photos taken (I'm not saying it is): to look immaculate and model-like for the day, showing the world how perfect your relationship is.

With a few goodexceptions, these shoots all look pretty similar. Pick a setting: urban or rural (a city park will also suffice for rural). Wear a pretty dress or a massive coat to make you look waif-like, and make sure there are shots of you looking lovingly into each others eyes; jumping; holding hands in the grass/against gritty urban backdrop.

Old cameras, or filters that make it look like you're in the 1970s are good. You will also need to pick an object (an apple or a box brownie camera are good) and fondle it between you, as if it symbolises something. Try to pick a sunny day and get a bit of camera glare or overexposure going.

Perhaps I have just seen too many already, but these pics seem to represent everything that makes me uncomfortable about weddings: staged happiness; massive expense; self indulgence; putting on a show. And even though they are meant to be alternative and 'indie'; they are looking increasingly the same.

If you're a modern couple that has been together for any length of time, there will be hundreds of natural photos of you already: digital cameras have made that so and Facebook means that everyone has seen them.

EDIT: I forgot the crucial last step: send them off to be featured on a blog. I think this is the bit that gets my goat the most.

So there are no pics in the post, because I'm not picking on anyone. And I fully expect some people not to like this post at all...

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

how i didn't expect to feel
















I really didn't think things would change much after getting engaged.

We'd done, I thought, the big discussions about how we felt way, way before bf changed his mind and decided he'd like to do this after all. We knew how we felt about each other and about all the big issues. And I had definitely sorted out how I felt about weddings and marriage (or marriage and weddings, if you will).

Funny that. I got that completely wrong. I think this isn't the first time this will happen between now and actually getting the ring #2**.

Right now, everything I read seems to contain a reflection on something important.

(**Actually, it happened when I got ring number one, but that's another post.)