Friday, 27 August 2010

in which I offend everyone

Dear readers, help me. This post was written last week - one of many posts where I try to come to terms with feeling, well, a bit weird about the whole blogging thing in general. I have been puzzled, bewildered and downright down about the whole thing. So yes, it's cynical. But I think all of the below still stands. I'm uncomfortable, and struggling to reconcile blogging with me. Quitting blogging is on the cards. Please help me work out what to do.

Now: the post...

So you may have noticed that I haven't posted a lot lately. Yes, I've been busy with work and all the rest, but that wasn't the reason. It was a conscious decision. The reason? I've turned into a complete cynic. It's not pretty. I had to step back.

It started with a small reaction to oversharing. "Why," I thought, "must I share my every waking thought with the world?" Small moments were being ruined by my brain making a mental note: "ooh, significant! Must blog this!" So I had to take a step back. My life does not need another layer of mental commentary and when I'm having a nice time, I don't want to be mentally wording a witty blog post about it.

Then I went to see the friend who will also be our photographer. Some interesting conversations took place (and I realise, the following will be mortally offensive to some people. I am sorry, people. I like you. I really do):

Me: [performing a mime] "So they stand there, holding their trousers and dress up so you can see their shoes. Which are normally Converse."
: [Photographer friend plus wife] What the f*ck? You can't see their faces? They take pictures of their shoes???

: Yes. And they jump a lot. And sometimes they hold things up like signs saying Mr and Mrs, or Polaroids of their face.

I later showed the assembled a pic of a couple both holding signs on an engagement shoot with arrows to each other saying something like 'cupcake' and 'muffin' and the look of horror on their faces was exquisite. Then Photo friend said: "I feel like I could throw up." Then there were jokes about him doing some shots right there and then of us gazing dreamily at each other and lying on the grass. This was a JOKE, btw.

And I thought: when did it all become such a display? This isn't me.

And I know it is not: no wedding is a show (except are. And you're on show. And people are judging you. So it sort of is unless you elope. And even that is a statement about how you want to be seen).

I feel there is a bit of a p*ssing contest going on here, with everyone competing to be the most alternative alternative there is; to spend the least, to be the most crafy. Or competing to see who can opt out of all this the most.

And we're all agonising over the details, or making a show of not caring. And it's even such a cliche to say that none of this matters, and that your wedding will be different. Because will it, really? We've covered every base, considered every option. I am starting to feel like there's nothing left for me. I'm losing excitement.

And by opting out of what I feel to be traditional and trying to do something different, I now feel like a cliche myself. I even read the other day that 'bunting was over'. Well excuse me. None of my friends or family think it's over. It's just a fricking wall decoration. I think blogging is harming my sense of perspective.

Not everything is a statement of adherence or defiance to tradition, or to a new, modern vision of alternative perfection. It's not always a statement. Except it is if you blog it.


  1. But the real question is, why does it bug you SO much? I suggest you think about it, really, because that's where the solution to your discomfort is.

    What were you expecting from having a blog? How would it be different from "real" life? What are you searching that you are not finding?

  2. I totally get this. A wedding is not a competition to see who is the coolest, the
    most alternative or the most creative. It's not even a competition to be the 'most in love'. It's a celebration between the two of you and your friends and families. It is not there to be judged or rated in it's blog worthiness.

    I just wish the sensible side of my brain could pass on this message to the other, more emotional, needy side.

    Writing my own blog has actually helped me reduce my reliance on other blogs, which I can see as only a good thing, but if blogging isn't right for you, now, take a step back and leave it for a while - we'll still be here if you ever want to come back.

  3. There is no sense of perspective when it comes to wedding blogging. You just have to do the things you love regardless of whether they're "over" or not.

    And anyone who doesn't read wedding blogs is going to think shoe shots are odd, along with giant balloons, ceramic animal cake toppers and photo booths but we're still doing them all because we love them and its our wedding! That being said it does help to have someone highlight the wedding crazy from time to time...

    This article by Ariel helps with the wedding gremlins and second guessing

  4. Regarding the photos, I think it depends why you have the photos taken. If you, say, particularly both loved your shoes I think it would be normal to have one taken of your shoes. And we did. You not liking that doesn't offend me. Yet, it could be viewed that you are mocking people's photo choices, which I guess is different to saying that you don't like it. (and where people might take offence, not that I am). If shoes, or cute signs or props are not your style, then I imagine you won't be asking your photographer to take those kind of shots. (Indeed, sounds like your photographers are traditional wedding photogs and wouldn't instigate them either). If you still had those shots taken so you could blog them, that would be different. It's only a display if you make it one.

    Regarding blogging, I think everyone questions themselves at one point or other. I don't think everyone is trying to outdo each other necessarily although I am certain that there are some people who blog to validate themselves and their decisions. And perhaps some who blog so that they don't drive their partner mad with obsessing over wedding details. They can tell the internets about it all instead.

    Also, like with anything, blogging is new and exciting and it might take off. Then nothing really exciting happens and one starts to question what/who one is writing for and why. Esp after the wedding when there is a less than obvious theme esp if one doesn't take the baby route.

    And lastly, your wedding will be you and it will reflect the things you are into at the moment. Traditionalists who will have certain trends which influence them, those who read blogs will be influenced by another set of ideas. I guess we just have to try and pick the imagery that sings to us and realise it takes all sorts.

  5. I get where you're coming from.

    But I guess my opinion is that we ar all here to support each other. We're all blogging for a reason- mostly, so we don't drive people in our "real life" crazy. I think it is up to the individual to know when to step back, and to remind themselves that this isn't a contest, it is just people sharing ideas and being proud of what they have done.

    I don't want to have an "alternative" wedding, I want to have the wedding that suits us. Our wedding won't look "alternative" because that isn't us.

  6. Thanks ladies. Peacock - it's not mocking. It's just feeling that this is the way it's done now, and not being totally with it. Funny - I felt like everyone loved them and I was the only one who didn't 'get' them until I spoke to the photo friend. I felt relieved that you didn't have to love them. I don't think I'd have strong feelings about them either way except that blogland has caused me to have a shoe photo overdose ;)

    I have to just try and remember how I felt about these things the first time I saw them, rather than feeling like now I am an unoriginal cliche for wanting what I liked all along.

    I cut out little pictures of all the things I wanted when we first got engaged and now they all feel like blogland cliches. I think I even liked shoe shots, back then, and thought they were cute. I need to revisit my early excitement.

    I am currently compiling a new post on all this - it may be entitled overkill! Seeing how I feel a week, and a friends' wedding down the line. I have a new and welcome sense of perspective, I think.

  7. Is blogging about something necessarily a statement about whether it is "good"?

    I am not having an alternative wedding. However to some it will be seen as alternative. I am having a wedding.

    I wish I could offer a pearl of wisdom, maybe drinks instead? P.S. I am totes on for Monday and this is my public declaration!

  8. MONDAY?? YAYAYYAYYAYAYYAYYY! I was starting to get so worried.. :( glad you're ok my lovely.

  9. Please don't stop blogging - you are sane and lovely.

    Wedding blogs have a lot to answer for, they make decisions practically impossible. I have to keep reminding myself that NONE of my guests read wedding blogs and therefore won't have a clue that every 3rd wedding has Martha Stewart pom poms. Just stick with what you both like and perhaps don't blog about it in detail if you are worried. xx

  10. Once again your so totally on the mark this could have been said by me and I know this can't be your only reason to keep blogging but people like me who started off thinking what is on blogs is what is done in all weddings would end up with those photos and look back years later and say why wasn't there just one blog that spoke sense and said 'come on now people you know this stuff is ridiculous right?'

    its bloggers like you that I started my blog I wanted to be the one shouting if its not you and its not about the love/commitment then why are you doing it.

    I think your blog is amazing and I hope you continue but if you stop I'd always keep my fingers crossed for you to come back