Wednesday, 8 September 2010

what i lose by not having bridesmaids

As soon as I knew I was getting married, I decided I wouldn't have bridesmaids. Partly this is because I don't love the idea. I've been a bridesmaid twice and I think my mind was made up then.

But also partly it's because I don't know who I would pick. I don't have any sisters or close cousins. I don't have any natural choices among my friends - no one I'd consider close enough.

But I do have a large, looser group of friends, many of whom have been invited to be 'best ladies' - which means they can wear what they like, that they may be asked to help with some things, and sport a flower somewhere on their person on the day.

This brings its own set of problems: if it's just a loose grouping, then where do you draw the line? How close do friends have to be to wear a flower? And who do you exclude? This is a dilemma indeed. Because I really can't just have everyone. And there are some people I don't feel close enough to, but who may expect to be included.

Today, I've been musing on what I'm missing out on by not having a chief 'maid'. Someone who is OBLIGED to listen to my moanings (heh) and help me through this. Someone I can call just because I am floundering. Someone who gets as excited as I do about the whole thing. Someone to come dress shoppping with (those accompanying me will be mum and mum-in-law - is this an insane decision?). Someone to feed me Gaviscon and croissants on the morning itself.

I'm lucky to have a group of lovely ladies. But after all that, I am now considering formalising or upgrading them to 'maids'. Mostly because otherwise I run the risk of having 15-25 best ladies, some of whom I haven't seen in yonks, but who must be included because we half the other girls from the same group of friends are on the list.


  1. OMG! I am going through the exact same problem. I also have a large group of friends and not just one best friend. I made the mistake of being pushed into having just 2 bridesmaids at the start of the planning and regretted it straight away. It just didn't feel right not to have all my girls next to me on my big day. But at the same time it's such an expense to buy them all dresses etc! But I really want them to be involved too. Oh what to do! I'll keep you posted though and let me know what you decide. Maybe we can help each other through it! :0) xx

  2. I chose girls mainly to be mother diffusers/barriers for the day!

    They will be invaluable to me in that role and love them for it.

    P.S. Feel free to moan to me and I could always prescribe something stronger!

  3. I'm not having bridesmaids either and no best man for him, I think in a way we felt that we were each other's best person (ack, ack, cheesy I know)

    So although I don't have anyone official to moan to, I'm pleased we stuck with our gut feelings on the matter.

    But back to you, I think its fine to mark out maids with a flower or clutch bag and there's plenty of other terms for them pulled together by Meg here

  4. The line has to be drawn somewhere. If I could get away with it, I would have stuck to one.

    I had a friend actually ASK to be a bridesmaid. Who does that??!