I'm slowly coming to the realisation that many things about this wedding have turned out to be different from what I expected. Sometimes completely so. This isn't bad. But it is occassionally surprising.
Vision 1: the presence of a veil. I had been staunchly anti-veil. I was going to wear my hear down, possibly with a little flower in it, all hippy, like.
The reality: I tried on a veil in a shop. Well, I say tried on - I was holding up a dress and it was stuck in the back of my hair, which was up, (see vision 2) by a third party when I wasn't looking. I had to admit it looked pretty nice.
Vision 2: I would have my hair down, like some sort of Grecian goddess, to go with my flowing dress.
The reality: I remembered that we are getting married on top of a hill and did start to have some minor concerns about wind levels and dishevellment. Then I was in a shop and trying on a dress almost-the-particular-style-which-I-ultimiately-decided-to-go-for (oh the secretiveness - more to come on this) and it was suggested that I put my hair up. I had to admit it loked pretty nice...
Vision 3: I would wear a flowing dress, maybe made entirely of tulle. It would have a simple empire line, perhaps. It might have even been this absolute beauty.
The reality: Though I didn't try on the dress in the link, I did discover that on the whole, flowing dresses are not made for pear shapes. The lack of boob coupled with the childbearing hips means there is a distinct air of pregnancy about a flowing gown on a pear. I might want a hippy vibe but having bust my ass losing weight for more than a year, I don't want to look up the duff down the aisle. Also, the last thing I need is added volume around the arse area. Not when there will be photos from that angle.
Vision 4: Shoes at £50 or less
The reality: I can't find any. Apart from a sage green pear that I sort of like (and bought anyway). The cheap options are massive stilletos which I love but cannot stand up in. Also I have terrifying visions of blisters. I'm going for a pair of Rachel Simpson's. Not too expensive, effing gorgeous and a wide range of wearable-height heels. Goddamnit I won a dress! So I can spend a bit more on shoes. We're not talking several hundred, or even several thousand here. Just eminently reasonable, beautiful (yes, actively beautiful, rather than the fugly diamante/cheap satin vibe that so many 'wedding shoes' apparently insist on).
OK, there are loads more. The biggest one is the style of dress which for obvious reasons, I can't spill here. Suffice to say that the amazing House of Mooshki has been briefed and it's not a flowing empire line Grecian jobby. But I do love it.
Vision 5: I'd never find 'my dress'. I'd just have a dress I liked.
The reality: Well, I won a dress, as you might know. But I still didn't know what I wanted. Thankfully, they did. And so now I do. I have 'a dress'. My brain has picked it and I feel I had little part in it.
It's barely even a conscious thing - from a small handful of 'variations' drawings from Mooshki, my subconscious brain made up its own mind. I looked at the dresses at 1am, when the email pinged to my phone. By the time I woke up, every time I thought of what I might wear, I thought of just one of them. Which surprises me in the best way. I never thought I would get even a little bit excited about the dress, and so it's a very pleasant surprise to find I have. And I am so grateful that Mooshki has given me the chance to.