Tuesday, 5 April 2011

you think you've got it hard

The other night, i got a text from a friend. "Are you free to talk one night this week?"

Why would she ask? She must be upset.

An immediate phone call ensues, where she tells me, through sobs, that she can't come to the wedding.

She can't afford it: she's got a house, a mortgage, and she thinks she's going to lose her job. She currently supports her partner, who is signed off work sick and not earning. She has a chronic illness herself.

She does this all on her own. She's my oldest friend.

Immediately I tell her she's coming - we have rooms on the farm she can have, or I will buy her a room. I can find the money. I need her to be there.

She refuses to be a charity case but it's not that. She has to come. And she will. She's so upset - from the certainty that she won't be coming to the realisation that she will.

She had been trying to tell me for weeks, losing sleep over it, trying to work it out and panicking.

(*Today, she works out a way of making it work. It's all fine, she tells me. She's got it sorted, she's booked a hotel, which was half price. She's going to save enough. She's a very proud person. She won't take the place of someone else on the farm. But she doesn't realise that she isn't. She comes before so many people.)

Then, last night, at Slimming group, a woman confessed that she did find it quite hard to be good, day-to-day, because SHE OWNED A BAKERY. Shite. Rather put the moaning of everyone else into the room into perspective. Would we be on a diet if we ran a bakery?

My days right now are not that challenging, on the whole, for which I am continually grateful. Other people never cease to amaze me.


  1. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up with trying to plan the perfect wedding. We want the perfect venue, dress, flowers etc. But can our weddings ever be perfect without the presence of those people who mean so much to us being there to celebrate two people making a commitment to each other?
    It must have been very difficult for your friend to send that text. I am so pleased to hear that she will be attending your wedding.

  2. Yeah. Starting to feel sorry for yourself because of all the hard wedding stuff is an easy thing, and it's wake-up calls like that that keep us sane. My mum just told me about a boy (she works at a high school) who just collapsed in class, was taken to hospital, and has since died of an aneurysm. He had two other brothers at school that day, and his parents were at work. Heartbreaking. It really puts things in perspective, doesn't it?

  3. I hear ya. It really shits me to hear some people complaining about stupid stuff, like the world is going to end. You're healthy, you can easily put food on the table- get over it.

  4. Blimey - if I ran a bakery... well, it doesn't bear thinking about. She must have truly heroic levels of self control and resolve.

    You're a good friend. Makes me feel all warm to read that account. You'll have a wonderful wedding and your friend will be there to share your happy day. That makes me a bit happy too.