Wednesday, 15 June 2011

becoming a bride redux - part 5

Wow - no sooner had I posted what I thought would be the concluding part of our 'becoming a bride' mini-series, I had a message on Twitter from Brizzle Bride. Could she, perhaps, contribute? Of bloody course she could! This idea seems to have taken off - which i find rather pleasing. Perhaps for those of us blogging about our weddings and relationships, this idea is rather central to what we're doing by blogging in the first place. Or maybe that's just me. But well, whatever the reason - I'm pleased to have struck a chord somehow.

The Brizzle Bride lives in...well... Bristol, I assume, and is marrying her chap this summer. She's also making some lovely origami boats. Loads of them. She talks here about other people's stereotypes and expectations of tradition, and feeling bridal while breaking the 'rules'.

Take it away, BB...

It’s hard to put my finger on what that ‘bridal’ feeling is. However, the reaction I have had from other people would suggest that whatever it is, I’m not feeling it in the way that is expected of me.

For example, not being fazed by a ten month engagement raised a few eyebrows. Buying the first dress I saw and not taking anyone with me when I tried it on caused outrage!

Some people appear to see my ‘non-bridal’ attitude as not caring about the wedding. I like to think that my bridal feelings have just been focused in other directions, towards areas that are more important to me. For example...

  • I love the fact that our wedding has brought people together already. My sister and my closest friends, who didn’t know each other so well (one of them being the other side of the world), have become a little gang! We send each other silly things on Facebook like: ‘Who can find the ugliest male stripper’, bunting updates and pictures of ourselves in hideous bridesmaids dresses.

  • My creative side, after a couple of years of being stifled by academia, has suddenly resurfaced. And it’s been great! I’ve remembered how much I enjoy painting, crafting and sewing. And I know, on the day, we will feel really proud of all the little touches that we made ourselves.

  • That this is a real team effort between L and I. Yes, this has meant disagreements at times but it’s also meant compromises. The result being that I feel really happy that what we have planned is what we both want.

  • When we have been challenged on things we backed each other all the way. So apologies to all the parents but I’m afraid that yes, I will be wearing a short dress and Lee will still have a beard (ha!)

So there you go. A few examples of what I consider to be bridal behaviour, maybe just a little different from the norm.

What saddens me slightly is that I feel like I can’t talk about these aspects of my planning and excitement. There is a part of me that thinks other people only want to hear certain things, like moaning about how the budget has crept over twenty grand, that I tried on a hundred dresses before I found ‘the one’, or berating my other half for taking no interest. Perhaps if I did talk about this other side more it might challenge some people’s beliefs about what it is to be a


  1. Hurrah for team effort planning - it does take two to get married after all and for grooms that keep their beards!

  2. I like that it is a team effort - that is how it should be! I like your approach and just wish I had the guts to take it.

  3. I love this post. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. A friend, who's getting married a month or so behind me, asked how I knew when I found the 'one' meaning the dress. I didn't have the heart to say, it was very comfy and within my budget and if I bought it, meant that I could stop looking. People don't want to hear it. I am really looking forward to being married to my OH and the honeymoon, but the wedding day is not a major deal. I haven't been planning it since I was 5. It seems so much bigger to other people than to me. Also, I really don't understand people who are doing it without the help and input of their other half!! I would not be able to do this planning without his help. We are doing this 50/50 as it's our wedding not just mine. But maybe that's just me.

  4. Just following on from the post I just made, I am excited about the wedding, and we will be having a DJ and food and lots of the traditional stuff and we will be trying to make it an enjoyable experience for all who come, but its not the end all and be all of my life right now!!

  5. Ah, you had me at 'short dress' and 'beard'! How refreshing to hear about bridal behaviour I can really identify with. I continue to be amazed at how few people acknowledge the team effort aspect. That has been first and foremost our guiding principle. Oh and hurrah for buying the first dress you tried on! I've stopped even telling people now...I find it prevents looks of sheer horror :)