Friday, 7 May 2010

too much, too soon?

So right now, it's one year and four months, or 484 days* until we get married.

I don't need to underline, I'm sure, what a helluva long way off that is.

One the one hand, I'm glad to have the luxury of time to think about and to do things. Surnames, ceremonies, savings and dieting all need wiggle room and a bit of time to get right.

But on the other hand, I know that some things won't take that long to sort at all. I can't shake the feeling that this isn't as hard as I thought it would be.

Sure, some bits will be. But the logistics? I don't know. It seems very do-able, even if I had just 6 months to get it all done. Or even less: six weeks would be OK at a push, I think. Am I being massively unrealistic?

And on some, imaginary, third hand, I wonder there's such a thing as too much time to think. I find myself, more and more, feeling like I am pre-empting the excitment and potentially making the process less fun by soaking in wedding blogs and things every day at this point.

I worry that I've made my mind up about things too soon: the surname issue (for another post); the ceremony... what if I change my mind in six months time after having pinned my colours to the mast now? And doing it so publicly, on the blog and all.

I don't want to find myself with nothing to get excited about this time next year, having everything already sorted.

When we go out to meet friends, I have a variant on the following conversation many times a night with different people:

Them: [Excitedly] How's the wedding planning going?
Me: Well, we're not really doing much at the moment. It's a long way off. But we have met the humanist and we've just started thinking about x y and z.
Them: Woah, you don't want to get stressed out about it! It's ages away!
Me: But...I'm not... I was just answering your question....
Them: No no no, it's too early. Don't think about it yet, you'll get stressed out.
Me: Um....

My current thinking is to keep it low-key right now. Actively not think about it, except for monetary issues, dieting and planning how much booze to buy (fun). I think we could mark a point at which this thing can begin in earnest: perhaps one year to the day when we could have some friends round for dinner, or have a picnic in the park. Perhaps that might be nice.


* yep, I joined the Knot just to find that out


  1. I've been engaged about 17 months now, and I get married in 5 and a bit. there is a lot still to do, and I started writing the guest list the day after we got engaged (I was excited). Obviously, theres only as much to do, as you want to do. I want to DIY some things, because I see these projects, or things I want to buy, and I think they are totally do-able, so I give i a go. this time we chose to have in our engagement has given me time to
    a: dither
    b: practice DIY
    c: throw it on the ground when it hasn't worked, and go out and buy the thing I saw in the first place that I was trying to emulate
    d: dither a bit more

    If you worry that like me you may dither, or be swayed by 5 different dresses, then plump for something. I bought the bridesmaids dresses early on, from my work, because I liked them, and I was tired of going round in circles looking at different ones. the great thing was that if tied me to a colour. not a word ('plum' in my case) but a definate shade of plum that I could match to and work from. if something feels right, do it, in 6 months time you will be so glad you made the decision.
    You probably will see other dresses/ribbons/table centres you like, and have a twinge of regret, but at that point something else will be more important to you, and you will be so glad that its not another wedding 'ball' to be juggling.
    I dont mean to sound like none of this is fun, I'm still loving it and I'm really glad I had a long engagment, but I'm also really glad every time I see everything I've got sorted already, and dont have to keep looking for.
    Also there is a massively quiet point or abou 6 months, where there is b@%&£r all to do really, except DIY your arse off, if thats you bag. so if thats where you are, have some fun, go out and picnic :)

    p.s. there will still be stuff to get excited about, you're marrying the love of your life!

  2. That is a looong way off, I wouldn't stress too much right now. You probably will change your mind on a bunch of things between now and then -- I find myself changing my mind with only 7 months to plan. But that's totally fine and people will understand... I would probably hold off on making any big purchases, though (except maybe venue? which will dictate a lot).

    Sometimes, it all feels much easier than I thought it would be, and when people ask me if I'm "ready," I think Uhh, I guess? Should I be working harder?? And other times, planning feels like a big 'ol headache. I definitely went through stages of caring/being excited and then just forgetting about it altogether and back to being excited, etc.

    You also have plenty of time to let it all marinate for a while. You don't have to worry about nitty gritty logistics yet, so just enjoy the fantasy planning stage. :) (personally, I'm bad at waiting. I like things done and checked off the list, so a long engagement would've driven me nuts, LOL)

  3. I felt so the same a year ago (in fact, for most of last year) and looking back on my old posts I realise I have changed my mind - sometimes a total change, sometimes I've ended up ignoring something that seemed important a while ago. It happens.
    And that conversation you have with your friends rings a few bells ;-)
    I ended up saying "oh fine - don't know what all the fuss is about - nothing much to do - tralala"
    even though in my head I might have been totally freaking out about something stupid.

  4. I often worry that I'm doing things too early and that I'll either change my mind or run out of things to do! You have loads of time, but there's also no harm in booking things once you know it's definitely what you want.

  5. We have around 1 year and 7 months. But then there are two weddings to organise.

    I have most of the big stuff booked, because I wanted to make sure we took advantage of having a longish engagement and got all of the suppliers we wanted.

    Just don't wish the time away. You'll only be a fiance once. Take it for all it's worth!

  6. some decisions it is easier just to make and stick to your guns. You end up driving yourself crazy with all the options. I think what has helped most for us is to just think about all the things and what we might want. Helps in conversations with my parent's who are convinced we are going to forget something. So although we hadn't bought the things we knew (in general) what we wanted for favours, what we wanted the flowers to look like, what we wanted the invitations to look like and what we wanted to do for our gift list etc. etc. Now we are less than 3 months away we are having to actually buy the stuff and make those decisions concrete. Now I'm wishing for a whole heap more time!

  7. And I still haven't figured out the appropriate answer to "how are the plans coming" you either give them too much information and they glaze over or think you are bridezilla. You give them too little information and they are worried that you are stressed and things aren't going well.

  8. Thanks ladies. You know you're all right: I get to be a fiance once - I need to relax and enjoy it. Planning is fun, not stressful and I have the luxury of time. And it is a luxury. Before I know it, I will be married and I will look back at this time of excitement and wonder how it could have happened so quickly. :D

  9. I dont think its too soon at all; you can do as much or little as you want.

    We booked our venue with 16 months to go then booked the photographers & cars with 13 months to go. Everything else we just did as we went along, depends on what is important to you.

    I agree with everyone else that its easier to just make decisions then thats it. We did that with most things like the cake, buses, florist etc and then just took time to think about stuff like our rings which we would always have. I did start thinking about all my DIY stuff almost straight away too!