Friday 25 February 2011

the should haves

How naive I was to think I'd be immune from this. The 'should haves' have started and coming at the same time as a couple of other things, it's been a rather stressful week.

In a week when my tiny baby nephew was taken very ill indeed (as in - on a ventilator in intensive care ill - but he's ok now, almost ready to come home) I ended up getting the 'should haves' from people about the provision of savoury snackfoods at the wedding.

W. T. F.

To provide some background: by last weekend, it was clear that my little nephew was improving, about to come off the ventilator. We couldn't visit (200 miles away and visitors not really allowed - especially as I had a cold), but didn't fancy going out much - we were exhausted from work and the stress. So we finally, finally took a proper look at the budget. We also went for our cake tasting. And we worked out a plan for the day.

At this point, we realised that:

1. We were due to go over budget
2. We would be feeding people afternoon tea a mere two hours before dinner and then two hours later, cheese and cake. There would be too much food.
3. The cake would be amazing. We'd hate for it to be not really eaten at 10 o'clock at night when people were already stuffed and drinking and didn't really want it.

The new plan emerged: instead of afternoon tea, we'd serve the wedding cake in the afternoon with a glass of prosecco and that would tide people over until dinner. Trouble is we've already paid for part of the food, including the afternoon tea. Would it be too late to change plans?

Thankfully it wasn't officially too late to change. Though the lady at the wedding venue - who is amazing, btw - started the should haves first. Clearly losing several hundred pounds isn't good for her, but it's essential for us.

She told us we would need to tell our guests IN ADVANCE that they would not be eating until the evening. Our guests are arriving at about 1.30 - when I have arrived at weddings at that time, I certainly have not expected lunch and dinner. And they WOULD be eating - a great hunk of cake!

And then she said that people would expect a sweet option alongside the cheese later that night. Now since when did people expect anything of the sort? I've been to weddings. People aren't all that hungry in the evening most of the time unless they ate lunch or an early dinner at 4 or something. Anyway, we can justify an extra 20 portions of cake if we don't have afternoon tea - there will be leftovers. But also - people will be eating a huge meal with pudding. They might not want any cheese or cake at all.

And my mum, bless her, then did it too, suggesting that people may not want sweet things in the afternoon and we should have a savoury option. Which has resulted in us relenting and agreeing to have some bowls of crisps, nuts and maybe olives too, or some small savoury bits. But I really don't want people stuffed for dinner.

And then on top of everything, the friend doing our ceremony went AWOL. Well, not totally - we knew he was alive as he'd been on Facebook, but he didn't answer our calls or return our texts. We started to panic, thinking this was a repeat of the photographer situation - where he'd realised he couldn't do the ceremony but didn't know how to tell us. I spent yesterday morning with a knot in my stomach trying to think of what else we could do, or who else could do it, and getting really upset as it was so out of character for him.

Then, thank god, he emailed to say that he'd been moving flat at short notice and he'd had a deadline and it had all just come at once. And that he was really sorry, and that of course he'd still love to do the ceremony. PHEW.

11 comments:

  1. I hope your nephew is continuing to improve. Sounds very stressful.

    We opted to serve bread sticks with our champagne on arrival at our reception. They are not messy to eat but are savoury (or, are not sweet) so don't give people a double rush of sugar and alcohol. They also have the added bonus of being cheap and easy to serve (we stuck them in glasses). (crisps and olives are hard to eat and can be greasy)

    The risk you run, I guess which is what the wedding planner might have been trying to say (even if it did come across that she was just trying to make money) is that you don't want excited drunk people crashing and causing problems if the meal isn't being served for 2 hours.

    In Germany, which is the only wedding I've personally been to where the cake was cut after the ceremony, it was accompanied by savoury canapes. (but, as anyone who has planned a wedding will tell you, are expensive).

    I'm sure you will find a solution. Good luck :)

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  2. Thanks Peacock. Yes she did mention people getting drunk, but i don't think that will be a problem - two hours isn't long - we'll be doing photos and games at the same time too and the booze won't be unlimited. We did worry about that but think we'll be ok because there will be stuff going on and a limit on the drink.

    Breadsticks is a good idea too, though we're limited by what the venue offers - which is crisps and nuts for £3, with olives for an extra £1.50 per head, or little savoury open bites - basically canapes. I wish we could take our own but don't think they would say yes :(

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  3. We've had exactly the same thing - we're serving cupcakes and ice cream with our cava and the 'should haves' have been coming thick and fast. Including from my future mother in law who insists people will need tea to be served alongside their cava....people just can't go a few hours without a cup of tea, apparently!

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  4. I know I've already commented on this but REALLY. I would be utterly thrilled and enchanted to be offered fizz and cake mid afternoon. And it personalises it - makes it more individual and you.

    And you're right, you can't actually stuff people with food until their buttons pop! It's not good manners! And as for their "expectations" (re something sweet alongside cheese), they're bloody lucky to be invited.

    Px

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  5. Thanks Peacock. Yes she did mention people getting drunk, but i don't think that will be a problem - two hours isn't long - we'll be doing photos too and the booze won't be unlimited. We did worry about that but think we'll be ok.
    Breadsticks is a good idea too, though we're limited by what the venue offers - which is crisps and nuts for £3, with olives for an extra £1.50 per head, or little savoury open bites - basically canapes. I wish we could take our own but don't think they would say yes :(

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  6. Ah, I hadn't thought about the fact you were limited by what the wedding venue actually serves :)

    One glass of fizz and cake on arrival sounds lovely. (you can always warn peeps to have an early lunch - which is what I tend to do before attending a wedding as it sometimes is no food at all til the wedding breakfast at 5 or 6).

    Regarding tea, we had tea and coffee available all day for our guests and I know the Grannys/non-drinkers really appreciated it. Hell, I even had a cup of tea in amongst the many glasses of champagne I drank prior to our wedding breakfast. :) (that said, we did it all ourselves so we didn't have to pay extra for it to be there).

    I am sure your guests will cope just fine with whatever options you give them to consume. x

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  7. I think your plan sounds lovely and if people don't want a sweet option then they just won't eat the cake will they?

    And I agree with you Claire, whenever I go to a wedding which is at half 1 or 2pm I always eat before because you don't want your tummy grumbling interupting the romantic vows...it has always been a fear of mine.

    At the end of the day, it is your day and what you want goes. No-one will moan to you on the day and no-one will notice whether or not there was a sweet or savoury option. They have their weddings to please their dietary requirements.

    So just do what you want and feel is right for you and it will be an absolutely fantastic day with a very yummy cake!

    xxx

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  8. Really, unless your guests have never ever been to another wedding they will know that they need to eat before hand. Cake in the afternoon sounds wonderful.

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  9. People eat because it is offered to them rather than being starving. They will then appreciate the food that you are paying a lot of money to feed them more too.

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  10. Aww hun, in a week where you have important things going on, that's not what you need. I thought I'd point out ( not having read all commentsxaboce so apologies if it's already been said) that wedding venues will often cut a cake into tiny tiny slices. I thought this worth pointing out so you can either not over order cake or tell your venue to cut man sized pieces. Seriously, we were given matchsticks of cake. I'm not complaining, ours was after dinner, where we had eaten a pudding and petit fours with coffee, I didn't need man cake. But you might need it! We had a 3 tier fruit/sponge cake, and we went home with 1.5 tiers of the fruit. My mum sent parcels of it away while we were on honeymoon to people that couldn't make it, and I still got a full tier as Christmas cake!

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  11. Yay! Bring on man-sized wedges of cake. Slather..

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