the other countdown

I guess it's not unusual for a bride to be to want to slim down for a wedding.

But then I'm not sure if losing 7-8 stones classes as 'slimming down'. That makes it sound as if your jeans are a bit too tight or you have a slight 'upper arm' issue. Anyway, slimming down, becoming unobese; that's me: currently trying to lose something between a third and a half of my body weight.

(It feels weird talking about 'body weight'. As if it's not part of me - which I guess is how you're supposed to think about it. As not part of you - something you aren't attached to in any way. Not 'my body weight'.)

But anyway.

I don't have any problems with anyone being any size they like. But it's been a while since I liked my size.

Not that I had daily problems with it, or ever whinged to other people (other than bf, who always bore the brunt of bad changing room experiences). In fact, most of the time I thought I looked fine (a sort of reversal of those thin people always complaining that they're fat, if that doesn't sound too crazy.) I know I carry ,myself ok and still have a waist and I know that has allowed me to get away with a lot. But then, you get a spate of photographs and you can't blame it on the camera angle any more. In fact, you get pretty angry and sad and disappointed and frustrated.

It might sound strange, but it's taken me a year to reach this point. 'This point' being me, actually doing this, at a slimming club, already having lost a bit and accepting that 'this' really isn't 'curvy' any more. (I love curves, I'm definitely keeping them.)

Last year, I tried to do it on my own. I managed to lose half a stone, but needless to say, without a framework for how I should be eating, it didn't really work. It didn't stay off, though exercise helped. I did get a lot fitter: started seeing a trainer, going to pilates, swimming again. That was a good decision.

So anyway. As it sometimes seems pretty damn huge and difficult, I sometimes might talk about this here.

And really, this entire post has been a way to distract myself from the bag of sweets on the office table.